Better Angels of Our Nature Skipper “Stretch” Lincoln narrowly prevented his firing this afternoon, following the team’s most recent thrashing in the Nation’s capital.
The B.A.s front office, following the recent hostile takeover, openly expressed the opinion that the team has been “too dang persnickety” about character issues in the past, missed numerous opportunities to improve with complex multi-team trades, and will take steps to right what’s wrong, fix what’s broken, shine what’s dull, and extinguish what’s smokin’ during the off-season. They released the following statement to clarify:
“We’re going to be open in the future to a certain number of players we previously would not have considered Better Angels material. That doesn’t mean that we’re going to be recruiting at the Washington prayer breakfast or at NRA conventions–nothing that extreme. But Angels who have been less than exemplary in the past and have made a sincere effort to get their acts together we’ll invite for no commitment try-outs. Too, the line-up we’ll start next season with, while it will still average better, might include a few Angels who could only charitably be categorized as redeemable. We’ll be counting on our consensus Hall of Fame Angels to model the kind of better we’re known for, and at the very least help keep their teammates out of jail.”
Coach Lincoln was ambivalent about the change of direction. He declined to comment beyond “it’d be refreshing to give our fans, from time to time, a reason to stick around through the seventh-inning stretch. I mean, I’d hate to think we can’t be good and still be better, y’know?”