Got a lot of grief about the whole Ruger in every lunchbox thing, y’all. My brother is going to use it as part of his case for having me involuntarily committed.

So, I’m rushing to finish the music this mobile would play.

Riff on Onward Christian Soldiers, maybe?

And if Jesus had had one of these, boys and girls, the temple might’ve stayed cleansed of money-changers.

For background on why it’s not surprising that scripture is used to sell manly godly men peashooters, check out: