Rudy And Sarah Come Clean

“Is that a real poncho? Or a Sears poncho?”

–Frank Zappa


A candor virus seemed to break out in the White House on Tuesday, with remarkable revelations  made by two of the Unpresident’s closest associates. It remains to be seen, of course, whether these disclosures were on the real, as they say, or simply more squid inky Sears diversions.

First, Sarah Huckabee Sanders, when pressed by MSNBC White House correspondent Kristin Welker about her boss’s use of the N word, stated that she’d never heard it from his actual mouth. But the headline came next:

“Ahhh, I can’t guarantee anything…I haven’t been in every room.”

The assembled enemies of the public struggled to come to grips with the implications of such an acknowledgment on the part of one who has previously claimed immanence as third back-up but hard-working defensive specialist on Team Jesus.

Meanwhile, the “lawyer” formerly known as America’s Mayor was shooting down the notion that Omarosa would be privy to something he wasn’t aware of regarding the knowns, unknowns, and when knowns of candidate Clinton’s emails. He then went somewhat further than most legal analysts expected him to go, stating unequivocally that, from June to November, [of 2016] he was with candidate Trump twenty-four hours a day. 

While there remain questions about both of these revelations, attentive reporters agree that they seem to throw light on curious issues related to the Unpresident’s current wife, and her delayed relocation from New York to D.C. In fact, one shared a revealing quote from Melania, which is included in an as-yet unpublished interview from late 2016:

“I have had quite enough of this Rudy person being underfoot 24 hours a day, deep cover puppet master or no. And while I know now that Sarah H. can’t be in every room to protect me, I am needing her in as many of them as possible–at least when my current husband is there.”